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[dropcap letter="T"]his Saturday, two amazing performers, Aiza Seguerra and Charice (she has a thing against last names), will be in concert at the Smart Araneta Coliseum. Yes, they’re both into ladies, too. Get over it, that has nothing to do with how insanely talented they both are.

The concert, in reference to the Indigo Girls hit song, is called “Power Of Two (The Unbreakable Tour),” and celebrates the musical prowess of both performers, more than anything else.





As much as they try to be blasé about the whole thing, it’s practically inescapable for a discussion about their sexuality to occur, what with Charice’s recent high-profile coming out, complete with matching parental denial. “Power of Two” as a title for the concert could not have been more apt on so many levels, but we here at the 8List are nothing if not eager to come up with 8 more ways they could have named this highly-anticipated concert.









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What? Why? One of the biggest gay anthems in recent memory, I’m sure Lady Gaga wouldn’t mind lending the name of her tour to a worthy concert from two worthy performers. Besides, you just know at some point, they’re going to cover this song during the show, right?

Why Not? It still isn’t their centerpiece song, so they should never name their big show after it.

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What? Why? Combining the first names of both performers yielded an interesting portmanteau. A special segment for everyone’s favourite “aleng maliit” would become a requisite, obviously. That will sell tickets and inevitably get people to draw parallels between Aiza, the former child star, and Ryza Mae, the current child star.

Why Not? Because Ryza Mae is a kid, for crying out loud! It’s guaranteed that giving her billing like that will inevitably lead to interviewers asking her about her sexual preference when she’s frigging 8 years old. 8! Come on! She probably isn’t even old enough to write an 8List yet!

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What? Why? Oh, I know! Let’s combine the two biggest hits both artists have had so far, and then name that for their concert!

Why Not? Are you seriously considering a title this tacky for a concert this huge?

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What? Why? Well, isn’t that title the best way to remind people that this is a musical concert, and not a display of sexuality? You just know some rabidly zealous elements will try picketing this concert just because of who’s performing, regardless of what they’d actually be performing.

These are probably the same people who don’t mind if their favourite politician may or may not be plundering our money, so long as he’s against the RH Bill.

Why Not? Unless they’re featuring The Radioactive Sago Project,  maybe leaving alone a vague drug reference is for the best.

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What? Why? Well, isn’t that already happening?

Why Not? Gee, I don’t know how freaking the CBCP out could possibly ever backfire on you somehow. Maybe Carlos Celdran would have an idea, though.

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What? Why? A show that will no doubt have the blessing of the Master Showman himself, “Dos Entertainment” has a nice ring to it, if only as a play on the original “Power of Two” title.

Why Not? Leave the excessive “two” references to Two-Face. Or Janus Dosequis Harvey.

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What? Why? Hey, look! A reference to another thing that features gay people! All that’s lacking is a reference to scissors and we’re gold, right?

Why Not? Both Charice and Aiza are currently ABS-CBN talents. Guess who’s producing “My Husband’s Lover.” Go ahead, guess.

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What? Why? Well, why not? For some strange reason, just because “sex” is spelled out somewhere in “homosexual,” less enlightened people think that being gay is purely about sex or romantic relationships. “Lez Be Friends” is a humorous nudge that who they like to date doesn’t define the entirety of who they are.

Also, just because you put two lesbians together in a concert does not mean they will automatically end up a couple, any more than putting together Pops and Martin in Valentine’s concerts from here until eternity would get them to remarry.

Why Not? The spelling might be mistaken as an open invite for the jejemon to show up in droves. Good for ticket sales (in the bleachers), bad for photo ops.

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Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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