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Yeah, we're so used to all those aunts and uncles who ask single people when they plan to get married and ask married people when they plan to have kids. But questions like those are merely the tip of the iceberg. Here are a few more that produce never-ending amounts of awkwardness for everybody involved.
Here are a few of those other questions we hope to never have to hear during family reunions, and answers we really wish we could give them, but we probably never will because we're all too nice and respectful and family means a lot to the Filipino and all that jazz.





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What kind of a question is this? It doesn't even make any sense, because unlike friends who ask about this because they've seen you get fatter, your aunt asks this because they still remember you when you were a frigging toddler. Of course you would get bigger. Yeesh.
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Eh bakit ang pangit-pangit mo pa rin?” Or “tanda-tanda,” if you're going to be ageist about it.
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It's almost like our relatives took this picture of us a loooong time ago that just really refuses to ever change!
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Eh bakit hindi mo na kasama pinsan mo? Hindi yun. Yung buhay pa.” I rest my case.
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Given how many of us have at the very least turned agnostic after years upon years of disillusionment with organized religion, we're bound to be hit with this question just when we're enjoying desert and hoping to finally go home.
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Hindi po kasi ako anak ng tupa.” It's almost like you're cussing in the middle of a family reunion, but not really.
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While it sounds like a nice compliment to your culinary skills, it also implies that they don't think too highly about your parents' cooking. Are you going to take that sitting down? I know I'm not.
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Magaling lang po. Nasa lahi ng (parent your relative is not directly related to), eh.” A backhanded compliment deserves a backhanded response.
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This is often asked of someone who still lives with their parents. Way to pressure the kid to fly the coop!
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Siguro kapag nabisto na ni Tita na may babae kayo.” Let's make things really awkward, especially if you say this within earshot of everyone else.
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Ohhhhhh, here comes the question that makes you guilty because you don't remember this uncle's name even if you see him every single year at these reunions.
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Oo naman!” Then we move on with talking to someone else and not let him get a chance to call us on our bluff.
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Why, oh why do our uncles and aunts love trying to sow discord among us siblings? Can't we all just get along?
We All Wish We Could Respond With: “Siyempre, si kuya. Nahuhulog na nga loob ko sa kanya, eh.” If you ever do this, please, please take a picture of how far your aunt's or uncle's jaw drops. It's bound to be priceless.
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Anyone working in a new-ish industry will never fail to get this question from relatives who believe the only real jobs are those that require bar or board exams afterwards. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how much you make, in their minds, you're just a slacker.
We All Wish We Could Respond With: Slapping them in the face with a fan of thousand-peso bills we just so happen to have on us. Well, okay. We wish we could do this, but it's highly unlikely we have the money to do it even if we really wanted to, what with working in the digital industry and all.
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Here's hoping this handy retort list fills you with holiday cheer! Feel free to remind us what other silly questions we get from our extended families in the comments!

Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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