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Because the entire nation seemed to care way too much about Vhong Navarro’s woes, a lot of things have slipped under the radar. One of them is the ghastly news that a secret detention center in Laguna was not only torturing its inmates, but had also actually turned torture into a “game.”

Various methods of torture are prominently displayed in a roulette wheel (see a photo of the roulette here), including “20 Second Manny Pacman,” (which we assume means the prisoner will be turned into a punching bag for a third of a minute) “30 Second Paniki,” (which probably involves hanging the inmate upside down) and a conspicuous “Hayahayyyy,” which has no time limit involved. We shudder to think what happens to you if you “won” that.

That isn’t funny. Torture is horrific and inhuman, and not something we should condone. That’s why, in the spirit of the golden rule, what if we turned the tables on these dastardly people who have decided to turn torture into an offshoot of Wowowillie? What if we gave them their own horrific wheel of torture, with no physical torture involved in the items, whatsoever (Sorry, “10 minutes in a certain Forbeswood Heights unit” will not be entertained.)?

Here is a proposed wheel for these horrible people. Let’s throw in a few plunderers as well, since they were the ones who benefited the most from the distraction Vhong Navarro unwittingly provided.

(8List note: To report incidents of torture, please contact the Commission of Human Rights.)

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With the magic of technology, here is a random number generating thingy:










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The Catch: With Jun-Jun Binay.

It Gets Worse: You are his umbrella. At night.









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The Catch: Every single person in the club is a celebrity on a juice cleansing diet.

It Gets Worse: You need to prank each of them while they’re in the bathroom.









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The Catch: No leftovers, just like any buffet.

It Gets Worse: Cup noodles, pare.









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The Catch: You have to watch “My Little Bossings.”

It Gets Worse: You’re only shown scenes with product intrusion in them. On loop.









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The Catch: You need to deliver a privilege speech.

It Gets Worse: But you can’t resort to personal attacks, use God’s name in vain, lament you’re being persecuted, cry, or get “sick.”









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The Catch: For Meralco.

It Gets Worse: Without Jinri Park.









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The Catch: You will be serenaded by Daniel Padilla.

It Gets Worse: And Chicser. In the dark.









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The Catch: Kris Aquino will give you a tell-all interview.

It Gets Worse: The interview is about how she keeps herself from getting into the mommy-daddy dance.






What do you think of these punishments for evil people? Let's discuss in the Comments Section.

Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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