[dropcap letter="I"]f there’s one thing you need to listen to me about, it’s about how to catch everyone’s attention on prom night.



Prom night is a rite of passage for high school students, and contrary to what every single teen movie insists, you probably won’t be getting laid on prom night. Now that we’ve busted that myth, maybe we can turn your attention to just enjoying yourself.

You may have heard horror stories from your uncle about the night he broke the bank to impress the prom date of his dreams, only to be rejected afterwards. With these cheapsk8 tips, rest assured that you will have a night where you spend a minuscule amount with the prom date of your dreams, only to be rejected afterwards. Probably. But hey, you will probably stand a good chance of winning Prom King and Queen!










The Tradition: It’s a small bouquet of flowers worn by a lady on her dress or worn around her wrist. Orchids are a popular choice for this.

The Price Range: 100 Pesos is already expensive for a corsage, so seriously? You still need to figure a way to save even more money over this? Okay, then.

The Cheapskate Approach: Pluck some orchids from the best-looking garden in your neighborhood. Then, go to your friendly dyaryo-bote man and ask for some wire. With a little bit of twisting and pliers, you too can have your very own cost-free corsage!




 








The Tradition: In movies, you see everyone renting limousines and the like. That’s kind of out of question for the average high school kid.

The Price Range: 13,000 for 5 hours.

The Cheapskate Approach: Carpool with your friend whose dad is willing to loan his Audi R8. Ride in style at no extra cost. Or if you really want to use that limo, chip in with a bunch of friends and then just have the limo drop you off two at a time like the most overpriced school service ever.

I sure hope you weren’t expecting me to make a crack about riding a bus instead, because #YOLO. I’m not a monster.




 








The Tradition: You need to learn how to slow dance to the tune of David Pomeranz’s “King and Queen of Hearts” if you have any hope of winning Prom King and Queen, you actually need to be good at this kind of thing.

The Price Range: 4,200 for six sessions for the both of you.

The Cheapskate Approach: Fire up YouTube. Look for AverageAsianDude’s video of “Careless Whisper.” You’re welcome.




 








The Tradition: A hearty dinner before the prom does you good and prepares you for the rest of the night. Think of it as a dinner date where the both of you look like the waiters.

The Price Range: Still around the 2,000 range.

The Cheapskate Approach: Forget tradition when it comes to this one. Ask your other friends to go join you and have a pizza. It will be cheaper and put you far more at ease for the rest of the night than a high-pressure dinner for two.

Then, dare one of your pals to a bet for the bill that you can drink five big glasses of rootbeer before he can finish a small one, provided neither of you may touch each other’s glasses and you have to be on your second glass by the time he starts drinking.

If he agrees, down your first glass—and use it to cover his only glass while you drink at your leisure. You never touched his glass, he can’t touch yours, and you will win this bet—all at the low, low price of one former friend.




 








The Tradition: Doesn’t matter if you rent or buy. Prom dresses? Tuxedos? They never come cheap.

The Price Range: Crazy expensive.

The Cheapskate Approach: Lobby for a retro-themed prom with your teachers. Hard. They will definitely like the idea, and you will definitely find something to borrow from your parents.




 








The Tradition: If you didn’t invest in this all year long as the most popular or hottest kids in school, then chances are you need to buy everyone’s votes to win Prom King and Queen.

The Price Range: We’re talking 200 bucks, minimum, per person, and if your batch is composed of 500 people, you need to pay at least 249 people to assure victory (you don’t have to pay yourselves). That amounts to 49,800.

The Cheapskate Approach: It’s always clear who the front-runners for these things are. With just one suggestive “missent” text message to the campus power couple, there’s a very high chance they will end up not going to the prom because you made them break up days before prom night. Hey, starting a fight worked for that other thing.




 







The Tradition: If something movie-worthy happens during the prom, the couple at the center of it practically seals the deal for Prom King and Queen. You’ve seen it in movies all the time, whether it involves getting into a fistfight, or having a show-stopping speech, or using the prom as an opportunity to come out..

The Price Range: Varies.

The Cheapskate Approach: Spread a rumor that you have a terminal disease, and say this is a special dance you’ve been waiting your life for. This is a great idea that has no possibility of backfiring ever.




 








The Tradition: Well, obviously, after following these tips to the letter, there is that small chance that you still won’t win Prom King and Queen. You can always save face at the after-party.

The Price Range: Booking a hotel or something swanky and flaunting it after? Expect to shell out 10,000 and then some.

The Cheapskate Approach: A bucket of pig’s blood. Some rope. Don’t even bother attending the prom, saving you all the costs for everything else. When that wretched usurper of your rightful throne assumes their position, sweet vengeance shall be yours.

Of course, make sure neither Prom King or Queen has telekinetic powers. You’re all set!

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Did you learn anything from this? Got some of your own cheapsk8 tricks and tips to share? Post them in the Comments Section. Kthnxbye.




 

 

Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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