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[dropcap letter="W"]e tend to take for granted the things we eat. After all, so long as we’re not starving and so long as it isn’t horribly bad for us, like, say, eating bagnet with a side serving of ox brain. Yum. Don’t judge me.

Unfortunately for us, a lot of stuff goes into our food that we don’t even realize. Stuff we wouldn’t even want to give to our worst enemy. Stuff like…

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Yup. Sunscreen. That stuff that keeps the nasty UV rays off of you when you’re in the beach. Not only can titanium oxide be at times contaminated with lead, it’s a known fact that using high-calorie ranch dressing for your “diet” is about as believable as going to Burgos only to ask for a hug.

If all else fails, at least your insides won’t get a sunburn, I guess?

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Titanium dioxide, aka sunscreen, generously found in ranch dressing 8V






 





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Salads again so soon? Ever wondered how your favorite fast food place can keep their salad looking so fresh and green? Well, that’s because propylene glycol makes an awesome cameo to save the day for you. This must be how ancient Rome orgies worked, since that’s the exact same agent they use for Astroglide. It’s also in the stuff people in colder climates pour in their car to make sure it doesn’t freeze. And now, it’s in you, too!

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You can find the same agent used in lubes and anti-freeze in your friendly fast-food salad 7V






 





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Plaster of Paris is very useful as it is often used to make orthopaedic casts. This is why if you ingest a lot of taho regularly, you’re practically building a cast for your innards over time. Is that, by any chance, a good substitute for formalin when you’re on the embalming table?

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You can find Plaster of Paris in taho 6V






 





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Pink slime already sounds disgusting on its own, and when you find out that it’s essentially meat by-products such as cartilage and sinew, ground up to resemble ground beef, it gets just worse. Obviously, since this less-than-prime meat needs to be treated to pass muster to the average person, they use good ol’ ammonia to keep it “clean.” Hey, if it’s strong enough to clean your kitchen floor and porcelain, it’s definitely strong enough to clean your meat!

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Certain hamburgers contain pink slime which is separated meat byproducts treated with ammonia 5V






 





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Tartrazine is a yellow dye used in some brands of mac and cheese. It’s what makes it look so cheesy. It’s also exactly the same active ingredient in special shampoo brands that’s meant to kill head lice. Unless you have head lice residing in your mouth, I’m very skeptical about anyone having any desire to have coal tar anywhere near it.

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Your mac and cheese microwave dinner may contain quite a bit of coal tar 4V






 





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Because chocolate factories are so big, making 100% pest control all but impossible, US FDA standards allow for chocolates to have up to 1 rodent hair per 100 grams of chocolate, among a few other things. Using the law of averages, this means that the regular 43-gram bar of chocolate may legally contain up to a little under half a rat’s hair.

Not that they’d deliberately put that stuff in there, of course. But nothing stops them from not doing it, either.

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Your chocolates can contain up to 1 rodent hair per 100 grams 3V






 





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In order to let bread stay fresh longer, bakers have resorted to using azordicabonamide, which can make bread last about five or more times longer than it normally would. That’s cool, except it’s also the same material used to make your rubber soles and yoga mats. It just so happens to be banned in quite a few countries as well, for causing respiratory problems, and while legal in the United States, is allowed only in very minute portions: only at 45 parts per million.

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Bread buns contain azordicarbonamide the same chemical used to make the soles of your rubber shoesn 2V






 





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Castoreum, in a bid to make people prefer chocolate ice cream, is used as a substitute for vanilla to aid in flavoring. Yup: that’s beaver anal secretions going into your ice cream, and as disgusting as it sounds, you’re probably wondering why you can’t find any hint of these shenanigans listed in the ingredients.

It’s simple: they just call it “natural flavoring,” because what can be more natural than a beaver’s anal secretions?

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Your favourite vanilla ice cream could contain beaver anal secretions instead of actual vanilla Yum 1V




Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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