[buffer by="10px 0px 0px 0px"]
[dropcap letter="W"]ith Manny’s wife Jinkee infanticipating and thus unable to make it to his fight last weekend, it fell upon Mommy Dionisia to provide all the moral support she could to will her son on to victory. Considering how vocal she has always been about wishing her son would retire from boxing already, it’s admirable how firmly she established herself as a part of Manny’s corner, even if she wasn’t physically seated with Buboy and Freddie Roach.

Rumors after the fight abound that Mommy D may have had far more to do with the victory than we initially thought. Here are 8 theories to that effect, that you may or may not choose to believe.
[/buffer]












While many people laud Coach Freddie Roach and his ability to take Manny to the top, there are a few theories going around that after two successive losses, Mommy D has been re-training Pacquiao in the finer art of ballroom dancing, which we all know she is no slouch at. What does ballroom dancing training do for a world-class boxer like Manny Pacquiao, you ask?

Proof: This was exactly the same technique a certain Karate expert taught to a certain Kid all those years ago, only modified for ballroom dancing. We all know how well that turned out for Daniel Larusso.



 








We’ll give you one guess why.

Proof: Remind me again who else out there can possibly go out and threaten the BIR and pretty much get away with it.



 








Floyd Mayweather can whine about PED’s all he wants, but Manny doesn’t need any of them when he can get something even better.

Proof: Even in her 60’s, Mommy D is still feeling perfectly strong and fit, thanks to Osteo-Gard!* It’s a safe bet that if it worked even for off-brand Manny, it would definitely work for the real one, too.

*No approved therapeutic claims.



 









The boxer’s entrance music is often a mind game unto itself. Whether to pump a fighter up or to strike fear in the hearts of the opponent, it definitely has a role in the pomp and grandeur of a boxing match. Manny entered the ring to the tune of Katy Perry’s “Roar” for a second straight time, while Timothy Bradley came out to rapper Fashawn’s aggressive single “Champion,” supposedly in a bid to intimidate Manny.

Little did Tim know that underestimating Manny because not only was he reusing a song, and a fairly poppy one at that, was all part of the plan! Manny was actually listening to an entirely different song in his head: Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball,” as performed by his very own mom. Bradley never stood a chance.

Proof: During the fight, did you merely hear Manny “roar” or did he come in like a “wrecking ball?” I think 145 landed power punches tell the story.



 









Good things happen when the Pacmom is around. You can’t argue with it, because we’re not using logic anymore, but pure causation brought on by correlation. We did promise you these theories will be far-fetched, after all.

Proof: Mommy Dionisia was there to see Manny’s fights against Rios, Hatton, Cotto, Margarito, and now, Bradley 2. Notice something in common about those fights?



 









There are few more colorful personalities than Aling Dionisia, and Coach Freddie Roach knows it. He knew that her antics may be as crazy as all get out, and it will throw off everyone else but Manny. As long as Manny's head is in the game, that's all Roach cares about, and Mommy D, among other parts of the equation, are merely smokescreens to Coach Freddie's ultimate goal: getting Manny ready to win the fight.

Proof: Ask Freddie Roach about how big a role God played in Manny’s fight last Sunday. Go ahead. Ask.



 






[buffer by="0px" id="two"]

[/buffer]


It was the GIF that launched a thousand memes, when Aling Dionisia fervently clutched onto her rosary and prayer card and pointed animatedly at what the commentators claimed was Bradley. She supposedly put “a Filipino curse” on the champion, which resulted in him never being the same for the rest of the fight, as Manny comfortably pulled away on the judge’s scorecards.

Proof: In the above GIF, lip-reading experts claim that Mommy D was uttering the infamous curse that goes “Ang na ang na su la ki hin su mas ki dot mo ko mo ko!” This dreaded curse has been proven effective by three well-known Filipinos.



 









Some people speculate that Bradley might have taken a fall as a show of his allegiance to a secret worldwide society that both he and Aling Dionisia are a part of. This group controls everything of importance in the world, and dictates some of the most important decisions that affect life on this planet as we know it. A fight as big as this is merely a tiny distraction in the scheme of things for this organization.

No, we’re not talking about the Illuminati here. That’s for Jay-Z and Beyonce. This is the other secret worldwide society that also controls everything of importance in the world…

Proof:


I rest my case.


 

 

Post your thoughts/violent reactions in the Comments Section.


Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

Related Posts