I am one of those unfortunate souls who can never grow a full beard, which is exactly why I need to shave: a scraggly fuzz looks more like a softdrink stain on my face than a respectable amount of facial hair.

But you have to understand that when I shave, I don’t shave with ignorance, no siree. I shave with knowledge. Because knowing is half the battle, and the other half is the nicks, cuts, razor burns and assorted other mishaps I get from refusing to look like an unkempt hobo.

Here are 8 things most of us assumed about shaving that we feel duty-bound to correct.

8. More blades do give a closer shave, but only up to a point.

Remember when The Onion joked about Gilette using five razor blades in 2004? Nobody thought Gilette would actually do it, but here we are. Funnily enough, while it theoretically does give a closer shave, it’s still secondary to your technique. Multiple blades in razors work this way: the first blade holds in place, the second blade cuts, the third blade holds the remainder in place, the fourth blade cuts. If that’s the logic, though, I don’t understand the appeal of odd-numbered blades (Gilette has the Mach 3 and the Fusion at 3 and 5 blades, respectively.). Hypothetically, you can achieve the same result by just doing more passes with your standard two-blade disposable razor, with less chances of getting nicks and cuts.

Place your bets now how long before some genius would come up with ten blades. And then place your bets on how long it takes before courts tell them to stop making ridiculously unsubstantiated claims, too.

7. Shaving pubic hair is not hygienic.

The classic, ahem, adult film stars of the ‘70s must be appalled with the trend of shaving or even waxing pubic hair in the present day. People say it looks nicer, and is cleaner. While the former is a matter of opinion, the latter is decidedly a lie.

Unless you want to gain the dubious achievement of being infected with a sexually transmitted disease without actually having sex, keep the bushwhacking to a minimum: that hair, like most of the hair on your body, has an evolutionary reason for being there. Shaving it off removes your sweet, sweet, follicular fortress of protection.

shaving myths text 7a

6.Rinsing your razor blades only dulls your blades. Keep it dry! 

Wet your hair for a softer shave, but not your razor blades. After cleaning off excess hair, it’s best to dry your blade off. This should be common sense, but a lot of people still wash their blades without drying it off, and fail to realize that this is as helpful to your razor blades as it would be helpful to a music teacher to include Chicser in her curriculum.

5. Electric razors are not “bad for your skin.”

Clearly, people who spout this nonsense missed the last decade or so when electric razors stopped being a sneakily cruel euphemism for “electric tweezers,” and generally produce better and closer shaves than most standard razors at present. It certainly isn’t bad for your skin any more than some analog razors might produce similar allergic reactions.

4. Shaving cream is mostly useless.

If this article is to be believed, then shaving cream is not just useless, but a scam, as it actually can cause allergies. Common sense dictates, though, that the last thing you should be doing when shaving is to go and cover your view of what you’re supposed to be shaving off.

3. Aftershave can dry your skin if you don’t look at the ingredients carefully.

Most brands of aftershave contain alcohol, which does sterilize, but also dries your skin. This also causes that stinging sensation both in your aftershave and mouthwash (And in mouthwash’s case, when was the last time having a breath with a hint of alcohol ever smelled good?). If you feel the need to, then moisturize after shaving before you put on that Old Spice.

2. Shaving is NOT just about the hair

Ever wondered why men in generally have better skin than women when they grow older? One popular theory is that this is because men shave regularly, and shaving doesn’t just remove excess facial hair, it also removes dead skin cells. Because women have no immediate aesthetic need to address with shaving, they exfoliate their faces far less often than men do by default, which, in theory, would make their faces more susceptible to shaving.

1. Shaving does NOT make your hair grow back thicker. 

Think about it for a moment: if this were true, then anyone balding would just need to shave off their hair, and they’d start getting thicker hair again, and where would that leave Svenson?

The reality is this: when you shave, you merely expose the thicker parts of your hair, since hair shaft naturally tapers at the end, and you cut past that to the middle when you shave. You only have the illusion of thicker hair, and only temporarily.

Kel Fabie

Kel Fabie. is a DJ, host, mentalist, satirist, comedian, and a long-time contributor to 8List (Hello, ladies!). He has an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Nobel, and two other weirdly-named pet dogs. He blogs on mistervader.com.

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