We give you the TL:DR*s of this week’s biggest news.

*Too Long: Didn’t Read

 

Python-swallows-passed-out-drunk-man-in-India-8

(AKA this week’s most viral nonsense that you probably clicked and probably shared because that was the only way to watch it.)

TL:DR: it’s a hoax that’s been going around with different headlines for the past two years. It’s probably a goat or deer inside that belly, not a confused drunk man.

 

Alice-Dixson-is-FHM’s-December-cover-girl-7

Tandercats and older millennials remember her as the original Faye of the long-running sitcom “Okay Ka Fairy Ko.” Who thought that after almost two and a half decades after she left the show we’d see her on the cover of the country’s biggest men’s magazine? The best part—she either aged very, very beautifully or she didn’t at all.

 

Jessy-Mendiola-surprises-Jeric-Teng-and-it’s-very-cute-6

In this week’s most popular video, Jessy Mendiola steps out of a TV commercial to feed a speechless, beaming Jeric Teng.

 

Actor-Paul-Walker-dies-in-a-car-crash-5

In a bizarre twist of fate, well-loved “Fast and the Furious” actor Paul Walker died in a fiery car crash early Sunday (Philippine time). He was aboard a Porsche his friend and fellow racecar driver Roger Rodas was driving when it hit a tree and a streetlamp and burst into flames. Walker had just come from a Yolanda charity event.

 

Forensic-expert-blasts-Aquino-government-on-Yolanda-body-count-4

Forensic expert Dr. Raquel Fortun blasted PNoy on Twitter late last week for not knowing that there are no coroners in the Philippines after the President released a statement that said that a coroner’s report is required to get an official body count. The Department of Justice, led by Secretary Leila De Lima, has since declared that they will look into the government’s lapses on and mistakes made concerning Yolanda preparedness.

 

Actor-Paul-Walker-dies-in-a-car-crash-5

After months of on-air verbal abuse from Ben Tulfo controversies, Customs chief Ruffy Biazon tendered his irrevocable resignation on December 2. His resignation came shortly after his name was implicated in the pork barrel scandal.

 

Ping-Lacson-accepts-post-as-Yolanda-rehabilitation-czar-

Also on Monday, former senator Ping Lacson was named head of rehabilitation efforts of Yolanda-stricken areas in Central Visayas. Lacson, who’s known for not touching his pork barrel during his 12 years in the senate, will be managing government funds and the millions of dollars from foreign aid during the rebuilding process.

And the biggest news of the week…

 

Anne-Curtis-goes-on-juice-cleanse-gets-drunk-slaps-people-apologizes

The news of Anne Curtis getting “rowdy” at Prive Luxury Club on November 23 broke out early this week when Circuit editor and publisher JR Isaac related the story to a local showbiz news site. Curtis, who says she was on the third day of a popular juice cleanse diet and admitted she’d had “one too many drinks,” slapped Isaac, John Lloyd Cruz and their female companion. She then called Lloydie an “addict,” and told model and host Phoemela Barranda that “I can buy you, your friends, and this club.” For more on that, read this. It just went viral.

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