It’s Christmas shopping time again, and the malls get a little more congested, Divisoria becomes a living nightmare, and everyone is on edge, just trying to find the right present for that special person in their life. We could make cynical statements about the commercialism and opportunistic nature of the season, but poking fun at the source of our aggravation seems like the wiser thing to do.
And the source of our aggravation? Our fellow shoppers. Whoever said that “hell is other people” pretty much nailed it, because these 8 shoppers are always going to be around during the Christmas rush. Ranging from the amusing to the infuriating, they really do come in all shapes and sizes. And if one of them is missing, maybe, just maybe, that person is you.
Item limits? No parking spaces? Long lines? The rebel cares not one bit about any of that! All that matters is getting his list, no matter what the cost. Whether it be by blatantly breaking the rules or outright picking fights with merchants and fellow shoppers, the Rebel wants to get Christmas shopping done in the worst possible way – and completely forgets the spirit of the season he’s supposed to be shopping for.
She’s the one who spends ridiculous amounts of time in the mall but hardly ever shops for anything because she’s far busier looking for the perfect deal than anything else. She will look for a small number of items shop after shop, and only at the end of the day would she go back and buy from the shops offering the best deals. Great with money management, but not so much with time management.
You see him just spending the most leisurely of times in the mall during the Christmas rush. This is probably because they already did their Christmas shopping – in October. Alternatively, they just really don’t care much about Christmas, much less Christmas shopping.
The exact opposite of the Boy or Girl Scout, the Buzzer Beater is the one who notoriously shops only during December 20-24, and then proceeds to have the most haphazardly wrapped presents ever. She wraps so fast, Busta Rhymes wants to know her secret.
“Oooh! What’s that? Oohhhh! What’s this do?!?” Yep, this is that shopper who doesn’t seem to have the foggiest idea what he’s doing, just letting himself get distracted everywhere he turns. He may or may not buy anything, but this is a guy who clearly isn’t constrained by silly things like shopping lists.
She’s minding her kids, talking business on her cell, giving directions to her husband, and shopping all at the same time. And she’s doing all of it efficiently. A rare kind of shopper, and she just looks so frazzled, we can’t help but feel vicariously stressed just by looking at her.
This is the guy we see every single time we’re at the mall, because he keeps forgetting to buy something every single trip. Of course, if you keep seeing him, there’s also a chance that you keep forgetting stuff on your list, yourself…
Remember that film? Remember the mad rush Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad had to make just to get their hands on a Turbo Man? Remember how stupid it would be to have a sequel to the movie, yet it exists?
Well, if you’ve ever seen the Jingler All The Way, she’s the one who acts as brash as #8, is as meticulous as #7, was trying to find the holy grail gift as early as #6, is still shopping at the same time as #5, is far more focused than #4, is as harrassed as #3, and comes back to the mall as often as #2. All for the perfect gift. Only for Santa Claus to get all the credit.