One certainty of life is that at some point, unless your name is Duncan McLeod, it ends. But while other people are content with just being laid in any plain old coffin from our friendly buddies along Araneta Avenue, or perhaps being cremated and then put into any old urn and having some of our ashes spread where we were born, some people have other ideas.
Here are 8 unique ways people are choosing to shuffle off their mortal coils.8. Be Buried or Cremated – In Style
Lux Mortem by Brian Tenorio is either the height of fashion or tackiness, depending on who you ask. When one of the top designers in the Philippines gets to designing the box or jar you will find your corpse in, you know that you will be making a fashion statement long after you’re gone, and you’re bound to be a hit with all the grave robbers out there.
Remember the first few minutes of “Gravity?” (No spoilers here, don’t worry.) Sandra Bullock is just flailing around aimlessly in space, seemingly with no hope of ever getting back to Earth? Well, for as low as under $2000, Elysium Space is willing to send your corpse into orbit, so you can do just that!*
It would be the most ironic of send-offs to those conspiracy theory nutjobs who insist that the moon landing never happened.
*Hallucinated astronaut George Clooney not included.6. Be Part of Something Bigger Than You
The Visible Human Project used a male and female cadaver sliced into pieces, then photographed and rendered—for science! As a result, countless advances in medical science were achieved just because a male and female cadaver were up for a task few people even considered doing outside of war crime situations.
Thus, instead of observing sentimental pap for people who wouldn’t even be alive to appreciate it, these afterlife volunteers ended up contributing a great deal to the world both in life and beyond it. You, too, can donate your body for medical research.5. No Longer Be the Cause for a Family Reunion
Technological advancement has led us to the ability to stream funerals all over the internet. Granted, while this may seem lazy and tacky like those drive-thru funerals, it’s an idea that’s very practical for relatives who happen to be too far away to make it to the wake, such as relatives in other countries or other provinces from the country.4. Possibly Meet Brendan Fraser
Apparently, because creepy Egyptian curses weren’t enough of a deterrent the last time around, mummification is catching on again as a way to preserve a carcass for celebrities and pets alike (that’s a really odd intersection of target markets).
The main difference in the modern process, though, is that unlike Egyptian techniques, they insist on hydrating the corpse instead of dehydrating it, so that it would look as lifelike as possible if archaeologists in the distant future ever managed to exhume these artifacts by then. We can’t wait for the look of confusion on their faces when they discover that cats were still pretty much worshipped in 2013, just like they were in ancient Egypt.3. Possibly Meet Sylvester Stallone (And Wesley Snipes)
Because “Demolition Man” was apparently a cool concept (except for those stupid three sea shells), cryonics is now an option for those who want to take a long shot at possibly being revived years down the road by having one’s dead body preserved in ice, ready to be treated once medical science has advanced enough to pull off what would have been impossible at the time of death.
Dr. Victor Fries would be very proud. Just imagine: years down the road, you could be technically resurrected with Simon Cowell, who will immediately get started on a new season of X-Factor!2. Have a Very Interesting Ornament In Your Living Room
Everything’s better with strippers. Even funerals. That’s because in China, it’s considered very lucky and honourable if a lot of people go to one’s funeral (But clearl y not lucky enough to still be alive, amirite?), so they employed certain… assurances that this will be the case. They’re also considered illegal, by the by, but it’s not like the recently departed have anything to lose.
Strippers at your wake? Where the heck were they before you kicked the bucket?!?1. Get Your Dearest Friends High
If all else fails, you can go the way of Tupac Shakur and have your cremains mixed into your buddies’ weed stash. Because why not? After all, Tupac himself said as much in his song with the Outlawz, “Black Jesus.”
You can probably expect Snoop Lion to do just that when his number’s up.
How do you want to go? Let’s talk about it in the Comments Section below.